In The Defense of "Cats (2019)"

Happy New Year everyone! I hope I haven't scared you off with the title of this post. Honestly, if someone out there was about to read my post but saw that title and said, "OH HEEELL NAW," I would not be mad at you. Trust me, I've read the reviews about Cats. And have seen the memes. It's not pretty.

Courtesy of Universal Pictures

If you're unfamiliar with Cats, the original musical with music written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, here's a rundown. Based on poems by T. S. Eliot, a tribe of cats known as "Jellicle" cats decide who will be sent to the Heavyside Layer to be granted a new life. Or essentially, go to Heaven.

Here's the trailer!

I had the pleasure of seeing this monstrosity of a movie during winter break and I have a LOT to say about it. You might be wondering two things:

1. Nickels, how could you have had a "pleasure" seeing a "monstrosity of a movie"? Isn't that an oxymoron?
2. And isn't your blog niche "underrated things"? I think the majority of the world has the same opinion about Cats—that it was a spawn of the devil that didn't deserve to see the light of day.

Well, I'll make the answer to these questions short and simple.

I didn't outright hate Cats.

Yes, it did give me nightmares about James Corden as Bustopher Jones the night after I watched it, but there's something to love about it. Which is why I consider this an "unpopular opinion".

After watching the movie in its entirety, my friend and I decided to stay for the credits. And boy, oh boy, was it worth it. Did you know they hired a "cat movement specialist"? Did you know those even EXISTED?? Because I certainly didn't until the credits scene.

I think that's one thing to love about it.

But besides that, we didn't realize how much work was put into this movie until all the credited animators came up. And there were hundreds of them. It scrolled on and on for what seemed like an eternity. All of these people must have put their hearts and souls into this movie and it made me think to myself, "Man, who is paying these people?!" because Cats totally bombed at box office.

In all seriousness, I wanted to take the time to appreciate some of the good things that came out of Cats because real people worked on it and their work deserves to be applauded even for a little bit.

But let's get the fun stuff out of the way first. My friend and I actually tallied every scene that made us feel awkward while watching... So everything that made me slightly uncomfortable, let's gooo!

Beware of spoilers, but for this section of the blog, that will not be the scariest thing you will find

The Horrors of Cats

The "Jennyanydots: The Old Gumbie Cat" Scene

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots

Everything about this scene made me uncomfortable. I mean, Rebel Wilson (Jennyanydots) ZIPS off her fur to reveal another layer of fur and an oddly revealing pink pantsuit. SHE ZIPPED IT OFF. LIKE A JACKET. WHY??

Another thing to add about this scene was the terrifying CGI, which was apparent through the entire film but especially in here and another few scenes I'll get to later. They did not need to put CGI cockroaches and mice with human faces. They especially did NOT need to put Rebel Wilson eating said CGI cockroaches. When that happened, I did everything in my power to look away, but I somehow could not. Disgusting.

The Terrible Jokes

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: James Corden as Bustopher Jones

Any attempt to be funny in this movie fell super flat. The only time I ever laughed in the movie theatre was when something absolutely terrible happened and I was in utter shock and confusion.

One that I remember in particular was James Corden (Bustopher Jones) standing on some kind of makeshift seesaw and waiting to be launched into a garbage can of food. When he's finally launched (there's a gag that it takes a while for him to be propelled into the air because he's quite large), he lands directly onto his crotch.

Very funny.

He proceeds to fall down into the garbage can and is greeted by Jason Derulo (Rum Tum Tugger) and two women-cat-things. And then for wayyyyyyyy too long we watch the two girl cats pour CGI wine into James Corden's mouth. I swear, it must have been 2 whole minutes that we watched the wine gurgle in James's mouth.

Like why did they even use CGI for the wine?? Just use water!! It looked so fake.

It was just painful to watch.

The "The Rum Tum Tugger" Scene

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger

Personally, my first thought when I saw the trailer for this movie was: "Jason Derulo has no business being in a movie musical, who in the world cast him?" 

Then I found out he was cast as Rum Tum Tugger, which makes sense since he's kind of the suave, rock-star kinda guy. So I thought, "maybe it will be fine, I mean the guy can dance, so maybe he'll pull it off" but when I watched the movie... I did not understand a single word this man sang.

I even asked my friend, "Dude, is he even singing in English?"

Every word he said was slurred into the other, because of his musical (NOT MUSICAL THEATRE) background of R&B and Hip-Hop.

So essentially, he was busting it down in a very oddly seductive way (let me remind you, that he is a CAT) while singing absolute gibberish. He also did this awful growl once or twice throughout this song and my friend and I burst out laughing. It made us so uncomfortable that we just couldn't help ourselves.

I was really hoping and praying that he'd slip in one of his iconic "jASon DerULo"s in there. But, alas, he did not.

Rumpleteazer's Accent

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
L to R: Naoimh Morgan as Rumpleteazer, Francesca Hayward as Victoria, Danny Collins as Mungojerrie

This one is gonna be short and sweet. In "Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer", I actually thought Danny Collins (Mungojerrie) was really good. He sang well and was an all-around fun character. Naoimh Morgan (Rumpleteazer) however... She switched in and out of accents like CRAZY. That was the only thing I could notice throughout that whole song. I saw in the credits scene that they had dialect coaches but golly, it did not appear as though they were used to their full potential. It was just so off-putting that I had to include it.

Macavity's Fur

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Idris Elba as Macavity

For the first act of the movie, Idris Elba (Macavity) is clothed in a trench coat, so we didn't get to see it for the most part. But when he appears without it on as Taylor Swift (Bombalurina) sings "Macavity: The Mystery Cat", my friend and I were full-on DYING in our seats.

Because while all the other cats had stripes or dots or literally ANYTHING, he was just a pure brown cat.

Sure, on a real cat that would have been fine.

But it looks INCREDIBLY horrifying when its a human. The hair was the color of his skin tone, so it looked like he was just a butt-naked furry man. I can't even come up with words on how to describe him. Everything about it was wrong. It was bad enough that they've changed Macavity into this weird villain that Thanos snaps all the other cats into dust so he can be the chosen Jellicle cat.

The Romance Between Mr. Mistoffelees and Victoria

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Francesca Hayward as Victoria
Right: Laurie Davidson as Mr. Mistoffelees

In the stageplay, Mr. Mistoffelees was way bolder and Victoria wasn't even a lead character so clearly, they changed a lot within these characters.

It was just uncomfortable to watch any sort of romantic interaction between these two. They, Laurie Davidson (Mr. Mistoffelees) and Francesca Hayward (Victoria), obviously tried to recreate cat movements by rubbing their heads against one another as a sign of intimacy but when two practically naked humanoid CGI cat figure thingies do it, it just makes your skin tingle.

Why would they even try to push a romance between these two? They're cats for goodness sake, not the next Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta.

The "Finale: The Ad-Dressing of Cats" Scene

Courtesy of Andrew Lloyd Webber

The last scene of the movie is a great example of a terrible translation from stage to screen. On stage, it's perfectly fine to watch. Whoever plays Old Deuteronomy, the cat who ultimately chooses who gets sent to the Heavyside Layer, sings directly to the audience as (SPOILER) Grizabella goes off into the Heavyside Layer.

However in the movie, with Dame Judi Dench's (Old Deuteronomy) staring right into the camera, her face blown up on the entire movie theatre screen, all of the intimacy between the actors and audience that occurs during the stage production is lost.

You just feel extremely exposed and overwhelmed by her singing at you about how to properly call your cat. Because a "cat is not a dog". 

Yes, those are the lyrics.

Plus, right behind her as she sings this is Laurie Davidson, Francesca Hayward, and Robbie Fairchild  (Munkustrap) are all behind her giving the most dramatic reactions to lyrics like above. I know, dramatic goes hand-in-hand with musical theatre. But screen-acting versus stage-acting is VERY DIFFERENT and for some reason, this was the only scene where that was a very apparent problem.

The Silver-Linings of Cats

Now that I've gone through my bigger problems with this movie (trust me, there's more, but I wouldn't wanna bore you). Let's get to the stuff that in my opinion, saved Cats, shall we? 

I'm sure you expected this, but there is way less positive stuff than negative stuff. But that doesn't mean that we should forget about the good stuff altogether! 

The Choreography

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Francesca Hayward as Victoria

At the forefront, Cats the musical is meant to showcase the dancers. It's a dance show, that's why there's very little plot. And personally, I thought the choreography was great! My favorites, in particular, were the "The Jellicle Ball" and "Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat" scenes.

In "The Jellicle Ball", all of the dancing was beautiful, even Jason Derulo's part where he and his crew were actually wearing shoes. Like, human shoes. I didn't know if that was an editing mistake or supposed to be there. I digress.

In that scene, Francesca Hayward (Victoria) has her ballet solo and it was wonderful to watch. She's a principal dancer in the Royal Ballet and of course, totally rocked it. Like, GO OFF QUEEN!!

My only problem with it was how the shots were taken. Every time the ensemble had this beautiful choreography, they'd zoom onto a particular character and we couldn't see anything. Then vice versa. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???

Then came "Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat", which I think was the scene my friend and I enjoyed the most! The tap-dancing was phenomenal and it was just so lively and fun, something that the movie really needed. I wish the energy there, even in emotional or slower scenes, was kept throughout the movie.

Taylor Swift's Performance in "Macavity: The Mystery Cat" and Jennifer Hudson's "Memory"

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Center: Taylor Swift as Bombalurina

To be honest with you, I forgot she was in the movie until she suddenly appeared and I was like, "Okay, Taylor, you didn't have to go that hard!"

I actually enjoyed her a lot as Bombalurina and her powerful femme fatale self. Even though the accent was a little weird (nothing like Rumpleteazer though), her vocals were KILLER and again, the energy was really engaging.

I kinda wish we got to see more of her, like in the stage production.

Moving on, WE BEEN KNEW that Jennifer Hudson (Grizabella) was gonna absolutely destroy us with her rendition of "Memory" and she did!! Belted her heart out.

She was crying the whole movie, which was kinda weird because it felt like she was taking the movie super seriously while Rebel Wilson (Jennyanydots) and James Corden (Bustopher Jones) were making this seem like a bad sitcom.

Nevertheless, her performance was chilling and despite the very tiny little details that I didn't like, but won't go into, I thought it was one of the best scenes in the movie.

Allowing Musical Theatre to be More Accessible

Via Ultimatemovierankings.com

Now, this is my biggest reason for thinking the movie was okay. By releasing this movie, it allowed musical theatre to be showcased in mainstream media!

Even if the reviews were absolutely against this movie and the fact that it has a 21% on Rotten Tomatoes, someone out there may have actually enjoyed this movie or found that maybe they want to see the original musical.

Not everyone can afford to go see a Broadway production, so by allowing more people to become aware of musical theatre through forms like movie musicals and other adaptations can further the popularity of musicals.

And in my opinion, that's pretty awesome.

I can't believe that Cats was the last movie I watched of the 2010s decade... I mean, it would have been better if it were Frozen 2 (WHICH I ADORED), but I'm not mad at all. I can't say I loved the movie, because I didn't, but I can't say it wasn't enjoyable. Maybe not enjoyable for the right reasons since I went to see it because I heard it was bad, but you get the point.

Until we meet at the Heavyside Layer,

Um... That's a bit dark.

Until next time,

Nickels :)